i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
