I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
