i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need a beard to bite.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
