weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
smell my finger.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
