I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
