I wish I could punch you in the face.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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