How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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