im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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