dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
