So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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