You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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