so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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