We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
