i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
