Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
