and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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