I just saw a hot homeless man
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
