mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
