Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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