unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
