um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
