i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
