I puked a lego.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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