I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
