We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I enjoy the company of your penis
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
