to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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