My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
