yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
