Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
