i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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