just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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