currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
