If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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