I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
