whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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