i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
