I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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