do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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