you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
