He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
