There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
