I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
