They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
