i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize