and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
