Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
