Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
