i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
