So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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