so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
