Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
