i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
