its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
