ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wear drunk well.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
