my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
its not stalking. its research.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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