: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
