Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
