I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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