He kissed a someone with a penis
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
