dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
