Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
